Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xSarahFatallyYoursx's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
7:07 pm	my new account is _xstupidxkidx_
Comments: almost feel better.
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
12:57 pm	oh yes, i dont hate my sister
Comments: 1 talk forever almost feel better.
12:57 pm	Idiot box... Hmmm, whats been going on... grace gave me her mob no nd told me she slapped steve's butt.. i had a thorogh conversation abut blue dancing monkeys... i bought a hairband and sweatband, i scratched my leg and it annonymasly started bleeding, i kept having coughing fits, i couldnt breath and trulyy thought yesterday was gonna be my last day alive, i cried i lil cos im badly missing lisa:(, I bought a manky sweet from tesco, alisha stormed into my house uninvite, i have never told herwhere my house is so she mustve folowed me after school, i downloaded some games, i uploaded my taking back sunday disc onto my computer, downloaded mor kill hannah, downloaded another mxpx album, i had some tomato and herb snack a jacks i was clearly shown how im trying to be stolen away and turned against beth ... and thats about it.... love sarah hardcore Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: agnostic front - working class heros
Comments: almost feel better.
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
10:39 pm	i hate evrything about you... i hate my sster.
Comments: 1 talk forever almost feel better.
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
7:47 pm	fatally yours... I had an ok day toda, but alisha still gets oin my nerves... she said i could never be in a band :O cos i cant scream... has she heard me?? NO! English -soso, i finished my shakespeare project German - ruled! no ms freeman ^_^ Break - I was with beth and we were coming in, kaylie asked about my inme promo cd. i just kinda did a nervous laugh when she asked for it and nat coughed - 'wannabe'... i was just like... urgh stupid woman! Tech - one before and after lunch! It was very fun. i was the first to finish my pencil case and it rules! Ms chauhan was like 'aww i love people like you' and screamed ' LOOK ITS A FINISHED PENCIL CASE!'... hehe.. iw as kinda freaked though... i stayed in tech for lunch so i'd be the first to finish after :P hehe History - history SUCKS. Because its just SO boring! Here's my convo with rowan im bored so i thought i'd cnp it. [its not the whole thing] PuRiTy-Follow me..Ive Seen So Much, Im Blind Again..Follow me..I Feel So Bad I'm Alive Again says: who r u ? xSarah- lineandsinker|R.I.P lisa|DownDownDown says: Sarah, beth gave me ur addy, im the weird one who hangs around with beth hehe PuRiTy-Follow me..Ive Seen So Much, Im Blind Again..Follow me..I Feel So Bad I'm Alive Again says: ah right PuRiTy-Follow me..Ive Seen So Much, Im Blind Again..Follow me..I Feel So Bad I'm Alive Again says: erm...theres alot of them xSarah- lineandsinker|R.I.P lisa|DownDownDown says: lol i walked with you on tue xSarah- lineandsinker|R.I.P lisa|DownDownDown says: remember ? PuRiTy-Follow me..Ive Seen So Much, Im Blind Again..Follow me..I Feel So Bad I'm Alive Again says: ah right PuRiTy-Follow me..Ive Seen So Much, Im Blind Again..Follow me..I Feel So Bad I'm Alive Again says: u have cool shoelaces yes ? xSarah- lineandsinker|R.I.P lisa|DownDownDown says: yeah hehe I thought it was kinda funny that she knew me as 'cool shoelaces'.... sorry inside joke i think only beth would get that one :P heheh anyway... all in all an alright day! xXx R.I.P Lisa Current Mood: nerdy Current Music: Three days grace - just like you
Comments: 2 talk forevers almost feel better.
Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
5:03 pm	for ever and never... i've stopped the choc-fest. My aunt came from america and got me a HOT PINK TRACKSUIT! and i gotta wear it for the gym >_< yesterday: in the morning i had a CRAP science lesson. Followed by a boring music lesson. At break i went and saw beth and suzanne. But at like 11 i left cos i felt like they REALLY didnt want me there. I went and caught up with some people from my clss. and at lunch i hung around with lil kimmy and lisa. Alisha wasnt talking to me (no surprise there). after lunch was pe... which sucked as pe does. today: I had drama and that ruled! we were making adds for 'hate week' and we mad a themetune for our add for free shopping.. this is how it went "Shopping for free, shopping for free, shopping for free for you and me" Everyone theought that was pretty amusing (the point of it was to be amusing) and i thought of it so i was happy. Then german had to go and ruin it all with a test.. but it was easy so no problems there. plus the teacher isnt gonna be here for our next two lessons because she's going to germany w00t w00t. And she's gonna buy us some chocs from the chocolate factory ^_^ For the first few mins of break i was hanging around with rowan. and she was telling me about her broken cd player. and then she kinda dissapeared into the crowd and i saw suzanne, talked to her for a min and saw beth. after break was science. i now hate science with a passion. she kept us in TEN mins and put all our names on the bm sheet.how RUDE! AND KEPT US IN TEN MINS FOR LUNCH! Um.... lunch was xboring. I also felt like they didnt want me there particularly at thestart of lunch. im gonna eat with kim 'the tiny fairy :P' again. after lunch we had RE... that totally sucked! after RE we had maths, also xsucked. Im not friends with alisha again. she said i said something about a girl in our class when i dont even REMEMBER saying it at all. plus it was at the start of the year so its in the past... right? And then she told lisa nd kim shes not talking to me, then in re she patted me on the back, and i just ignored it. then she asked lisa to ask me if i liked her, so i said 'no comment' and i said i hate everyone even lisa b ... she said no really, so i said i hate cheese and she said i was satan. im not. hhow can i be ? pfft so i said i wasnt and she said yeah i worship satan (i dont), and she said well thats what your into isnt it. and i thought: STEREOTYPE. im not into that. at all. and someone in my class is affectivly bullying me going urrgh grunger and taking my stuff. but im not gonna do anything about it cos wehns hes not doing things like that shes a cool person... wel... kinda... one day im gonna have a nervous breakdown from alisha. i was on the verge of one today. I was telling her that lucy didnt go to the evanescence concert and she just said 'WoW' i wouldve thought she wanted to know since she's so totally obsessed with her. And she asked me to give becky a crusty old bracelet that was a beaded one that she tried giving me but i gave back. so i said 'why dont you give it to her' and she was like 'well im not aloud to hang out with you [?]' and i was like well you dont have to go with me you can go by yourself in this BIG BAD WORLD. shes just trying to buy them both. she gave lucy a glove thing the other day. she wants them to worship her. but she gets totally shy infront of them so she doesnt even talk. She makes me wanna rip my guts out and slit my throat, pull my hair out, scream so they can her me down in australia and stab something.... anything... EVErything. And throw metal chunks at brick walls. xxxRip Lisaxxx Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: avenged sevenfold
Comments: 2 talk forevers almost feel better.
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
8:27 pm	x marks the hope box... i've been really upset with lisa h's death and i've just been trying to keep it all together, but MAN its hard! I've been taking it out on chocolate.... at school i did CRAP and ms mckenna was being nice.... went to the gym, beth carried my safeway bags to starbucks :P much appreciated! hm.... twas a boring day, thers nothing more to say... haha I HATE SCIENCE x xx r.i.p Lisa xx   Current Mood: weird Current Music: alkaline trio - take lots with alchohol
Comments: 2 talk forevers almost feel better.
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
4:15 pm	endless, nameless.... Today was lisa's funeral. The funeral for a friend. -the time the coffin came was meant to be at 2 but it was at 2:30. As soon as the coffin came i burst out into tears, so did everyone, her mother came out of the black car behind with red eyes. My mum couldnt stop crying either. Alisha stuck to me like chewing gum on a shoe. She wouldnt leave me alone. The buddhist monks lead us into the crematorium. everyone sat down. her parents were at the front with her two brothers infront of them knealing down in a prayer position. they had inscence sticks at the front with two candles and a rose, infront was a picture of lisa. they put the rose into a glass of water and splashed it around her picture. then they were praying in veitnamese for a couple of minutes. her mum said [still crying]'we are going to have ten minutes to pray for lisa, the other ten for me to thank you'. There were monks who were saying out prayers and almost everyone in the crematorium was crying aswell. halfway through her mother collapsed and screamed out crying and her little cousin was crying aswell. and after the praying part her mother was saying how she loved us all and how good ms mckenna was and ms mckenna burst out with tears. she alsomentioned mr parry, but he didnt cry. Her brother was crying and trying to calm down, then when he did he told us about how lisa would tell him about us and the good times and how sheused to tell him how mr weston pd her off and how she wouldnt want us tocry for her. when we had that bit we went outside and all the flowers we brought were beautifully arranged outside. We all got an inscense stick to put in the ground around them.her mother said thank you again and then cried so much (i felt so sorry for her) and some other woman was trying to comfort her. she went into a long black limozine and started crying, she was with the monks, and her husband.me and my mother gave her a card and 2 bunches of flowers for lisa. Then after a few mins she came out and hhugged us all and told us thank you. Then me and my mother waited for my brother to pick us up, we went round the cemetary and looked for a child my mother had and died at 5 months' grave. We didnt find it so we sat down for a bit till my brother came. R.I.P. Lisa xxxx Current Mood: sympathetic Current Music: Taking back sunday - tell all your friends
Comments: almost feel better.
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
4:24 pm	stilllaughing... I was a receptionist today... it RULED!!!! My feet kinda hurt and linkin park girl didnt stop staring at me :'( i had to send messages to her class FIVE TIMES! And every time she would stare and stare. I was in there at least 10 mins at a time... Im not depressed and i think laura isnt gonna do anything because shes an attention seeker. and now i know. grace.wont.stop.staring.at.me >_< KIRSTENS bf is so geeky looking, im not saying like... im not but seriously EW. and saw her new emotion - happiness... she ws smiling.. In receptioniost alisha taught me something that shows the /love/hate percentage-- i hate me - 96% beth hates beth - 94% alisha hates alisha - 23% steve (would stop seeing him!) hates steve - 14% beth loves steve - 90% i love steve (I DONT) - 87% alisha loves steve - 49% X R*I*P lisa Current Mood: giggly Current Music: alkaline trio - from here to infirmary
Comments: 1 talk forever almost feel better.
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
8:19 pm	Forget Everything... Resorted to blocking on msn. I'm scared. i dont know what to do, what's laura gonna do to herself? She's all alone. How will i forgive myself if she does commit suicide? How can i take this? WHAT CAN I DO? There's no one to talk to. There's no one to talk to who will understand. People have offered. But they don't understand. No one does. Why? How? I'm scared. I've gotta get through it alone. Current Mood: aggravated
Comments: almost feel better.
8:10 pm	total immortal... I've had enough. I've had more than enough. I've had too much. People want to commit suicide. people are telling me theyre gonna commit suicide. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I just don't know what to do. I have no energy to talk them out of it. How am i gonna get through this. Lisa's death was bad enough. How can a cope with more death? WHAT CAN I DO? Current Mood: confused Current Music: The Bronx - The Bronx
Comments: almost feel better.
2:54 pm	Race against myself... I just don't know what to do anymore... everytime i see something thats associated with lisa, like her msn address, her mob. numb., my heart just sinks. i cant bring myself to delete any of it. I've been comforting laura... ALOT... and now she's practically stuck on to me. people are telling me i need time to think through it myself, i know it's true, but i need to keep strong for sara, for laura, for everyone. people have been relying on me the past few days to cheer them up and to get them through it, and im not gonna let them down. I'm alright today, i've been trying to take my mind off it AND talk about it, in a way talking to beth about it makes me feel a whole lot better.    Other than that : yesterday alisha told me i was really pretty and i had nice hair and i had good dress sense when i told her i overheard people tlaking about giving me a make over. that was kinda weird of her to say..... i havent told anyone but i also heard them attempting to mock me by saying *trying to sound like me* 'oh i have to work in PE so i can get GCSE's'... but really, i have so much more to think about than some petty people who are stupid... i'm not the one who was smoking at the age of 11, and still smoking, and im not the one who are so stupid they're not improving at school, theyre getting worse than they were in year 6 for goodness sake... i rest my case.  um... me and beth were making fun of nat and how she stares at us from the side... hehe! X   Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Before everything and after <BEST ALBUM!
Comments: almost feel better.
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
4:20 pm	RIP lisa. We'll never forget you.
Comments: almost feel better.
4:16 pm	You're Dead... She's dead . I cant beleive it Lisa's dead it just doesnt sound right. I miss her already. it doesnt feel right, its NOT RIGHT. I'm 13, she was 13. to young. i didnt even get to say my last goodbye. Saturday. thats when she passed away. She had an allergic reaction to some cake and stopped breathing. its not right. it cant be right. i dont want it to be true. when i got emailed about it i thought it was a joke. i thought it was a set up that people found hilarious. i thought it was sick, i thought it was twisted. then i texted her. asking her, why people are saying shes dead. cos i thought it was untrue. i didnt get a reply from her. because she was dead. i thought it was cos she had no credit. then i got a text from someone else. saying shes dead. i sent them a text that said 'dont lie'. then they sent me her home no. my mother rang it for me. it was true. i found out on monday. i couldnt beleive it. then tuesday, i came in, i had to tell my tutor, i had to see people one by one bursting out into tears. i had to see ms m cry. i cried. i couldnt stop for the 1st hour. then i calmed down. but people wouldnt stop. so it started me again. it doesnt feel like shes gone, it just feels like shes not in school, or even moved schools. but not death. how can i trust life? how can i not think of death every moment of it? how can i ever be happy, like i used to, how can i stop, why did she HAVE TO LEAVE ME? What if this happens more? how can i take it? i cant live on. i cant stop askings 'what if' and 'why?' and 'how?'. to top it off theres awful rumours spreading round that she was smothered, hit by a car, killed by a classmate, killed by her family... how could people be so insensitive? People even thought it was me who was with her whn she bought the cake. i cant take it. i cant beleive it. its not real. its a horrible nightmare, its a twisted, sick joke. i wish she was still alive, i wish she hadnt eaten that cake with nuts. she was allergic to nuts. today i've had to keep a brave face on it all.. i dont want people to keep asking if im ok! what do they think? i'm trying to comfort people who are upset. i need to keep strong to help them through it. im trying to stop someone from their hunger strike. im trying to make them happier. they seem to be a lil better today, i was making jokes, telling them silly things just to cheer them up. but i still know the only thing they want is lisa. and shes not her to come. i was looking in my german book, lisa used to sit next to me, i saw my map, it had her name, i made 'lisatown' and she has to share her name so she decided she wrote 'lisahville' so she could hav her own town. thats all i've got to remember her by. i hope everyone can cheer up a bit. i know things will never be the same. but i need people to be strong, they cant drown in their sorrow. lisas still there. in their hearts. in their minds. they need to be strong, for their sake, for her sake, for her families sake, for my sake. im still in shock.  Oh my god. im never gonna see her again. I cant believe shes gone. Current Mood: shocked Current Music: funeral for a friend (since im gonna go to one)
Comments: 1 talk forever almost feel better.
Sunday, April 25th, 2004
8:13 pm	Calafornia's Bleeding... AMBERS COMING BACK!!! I went to the gym yesterday.. it rawked! Too happy to say more XxxXXXXXxxxXXx Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: yellowcard- ocean avenue
Comments: 2 talk forevers almost feel better.
Saturday, April 24th, 2004
12:11 am	Wake up.. Kaylie's been trying to put beth on a guilt trip saying she got no friends she has imaginary friends etc... it didnt work on beth.. beth showed me the convo.. IT WORKED ON ME! >_< in the back of my mind i know shes lying but i feel sooo sorry for her anyway.. i keep on thinking - ppoor kaylie- then i think.. shes lying. OHHHH! Current Mood: confused
Comments: almost feel better.
Friday, April 23rd, 2004
4:02 pm	Smells Like Teen Spirit... kayley said 'hi how are you' and i was like 'im fine thanks' and she goes whats ur name again and i was like 'sarah....' and she went 'TAMMY thats it'... i was thinking THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHOUTING and grace and nathalie were there and it was when i was lining up for PE the teacher told me/i decided i didnt wanna bump into them,.... although they all did scrape accross me >_< to wait for them to go thru... but the other class was still going in and i was kinda standing there.. EEK >_< and nat and grace walked behind me all the way doiwn the hill and to the side bit and we crossed the road thinking they were behind us and relised we just crossed to be on the same road >_< ARGH... They shouldnt be after me... i didnt do anything *cough* beth swore at nat *cough* and i cant be killed over assosiation. I dread to think what theyre doing now...  Um... the maths test was sooooo difficult i think i mightve passed out if i had done anything harder.. art = FUN! ICT= ... mr steward was explaining more about his lil boy... I DONT CARE... but we made a good powerpoint slide show so it was all good. english- ms m seemed to be pretty happy with me... just not the rest of the clas... PE- CRAP Bye xXxXxXx    Current Mood: scared Current Music: Nirvana - Nevermind
Comments: 2 talk forevers almost feel better.
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
3:02 pm	Bitter End... Grace had something written on her head... she bumped into me cos we were both trying to get through the door... when she's not with nathalie she doesnt give me evil looks... i wanted to see what was on her head... but... i wasnt gonna look at her and drop myself right in it... I found 2p.... then i gave it to my friend. MY new pic isnt mine... its kinda ... lucys... i was sent it by beth and i decided to use it for my lj. Im so sad. i gotta tell her before she kills me though..haha Ms mckenna told me not to pack away so kim (man i hate heR) pointed at me and went 'haha' so ms mckenna was laughing and said 'sarah you got told'... so the whole class thought it was hilarious and i was just like ' im not embarresed its just not as funny as life' ms mckenna now thinks shes 'with it'... what comforts me the most is that people call her mum by accident and it winds her up... im not evil.. ok i am. Geog was xcrap.. i mad nicknames for people... kim was kimothy... and i cnt be bothered to put up the rest... im bored to hell of this. Um... german teacher complained about our class... pfftt... Maths test 2mrw. Beth got her lip peircing taken out.. BIG scab ^_^ heheand she has buleimic mouthwash (mouthwash that makes her puke.. she has to take it frequantly... poor beth hehe) Thats about it... from xLostSarahx Current Mood: creative Current Music: AFI- crop tub
Comments: almost feel better.
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
4:47 pm	I'm fatally yours... Hmm... yesterday was the first day back and the first day in the new building. Wel... it looks like a hospital... Grace and natalie and kaylie keep looking at me. Grace copied mi hair... yes she did. remember i said i saw her in the hols?? I had red hair then and she had orange hair... then i see her at skool with the exact same shade of dark red as me in her hair >:(. and she can stop giving me those looks aswell cos shes just a copycat. Stupid year 10s. If they keep looking at me i'm gonna wave or stare right back. I tried putting my hoody in my locker (new rule) for the day but i missed it... lol ... so i just put it into my backpack... since it got studs on it... im getting more looks. I got some amen and lostprophets pics from alisha... i also spotted a brody dalle one so i suggested giving it to lucy... and she was HAPPY! Um... yesterday weirdly i was enjoying maths... whats up with me?! Urrr.... i dunno what else to write so caio. xLostSarahx xxx CD1 ­ (Torment 39 CD) - £1.99 1) Wake Up (Make A Move)- Radio Edit 2) Wake Up (Make A Move) - Chicago Q101 Performance CD2 ­ (Torment 40 CD) - £2.99 1) Wake Up (Make A Move) - Radio Edit 2) Holding On - Demo 3) Wake Up (Make A Move) - Video 4) Wake Up (Make A Move) - Video, The Making Of 7" (­Torment 41 CD) - £1.99 1) Wake Up (Make A Move) - Radio Edit 2) Start Something (Radio 1 Astoria Gig) OUT ON 3rd MAY 04. Current Mood: curious Current Music: Sick of it all - paper tiger
Comments: almost feel better.
Saturday, April 17th, 2004
11:49 pm	One armed scissor... It didn't come out right >_< Heres the pic: The sehr gut german band 'Oomph!' Current Mood: working Current Music: Oomph! - Wahrheit oder pflicht (means Truth or obligation)
Comments: almost feel better.